Dating can be enjoyable and exciting but there are also potential pitfalls, like the risk of rejection, trying to decide whom to date, or how to discern between red flags and green ones. We can make it easier on ourselves by building an inner and outer dating support system, so that we are strong emotionally and we have people around us to cheer us on and offer sound advice.
Here are four steps you can take to build a winning dating support team for your journey to love.
Develop your inner resources
From healthy self-esteem, self-worth and confidence to emotional resilience and courage, it’s vital to build yourself up from the inside out before you embark on a dating journey.
Ask yourself the following questions: do I love myself? Do I take good care of myself? Do I believe I am valuable and worthy of love? Do I have healthy self-esteem? Is my emotional core strong? Am I in touch with my feelings? Am I well connected to my intuition?
If you answer Yes to these questions, you are ready to rock. If you waver, you may need to do spend time doing some inner work.
Self-esteem comes from doing estimable things (estimable meaning worthy of great respect). We feel valuable when we treat ourselves as such and when we set healthy boundaries with others, teaching them how to treat us. We feel strong inside when we face our fears, speak our truth, and show up authentically. We feel connected to our intuition when we carve out time to sit in silence and listen to our inner voice.
Build those inner foundations first. This is key to healthy dating.
Grow your faith
When we wobble physically, we need a wall to lean on. When we wobble emotionally or spiritually, we need a faith to lean on.
How often do you talk to and listen to God? What steps are you taking to deepen your spiritual connection? Can you set aside a few more minutes each day to build up this foundational element of your support system? This could be through prayer, contemplation, journaling, or another spiritual practice.
Fellow daters
Our dating journey will be more successful, not to mention more fun, if we share it with other people who are on the same path. You might have a dating dilemma you need support with – maybe you don’t know how to respond to a message, what questions to ask on a first or second date, or how to interpret a comment you’ve received. You might also want to check in with someone before a date to calm any nerves as well as after a date to share your feelings and debrief.
If you’re postponing dating, you might need an accountability buddy to support you to invest time in your romantic life, or if you tend to move too quickly, you might need a friend at the end of a text message to encourage you to head home on time after a date.
Then, if a first date turns into subsequent dates and a fledgling relationship, you might need help and encouragement to overcome the fears or doubts that often arise when we step towards love.
As you gather your support network of fellow daters, remember to choose your people wisely. You want friends and fellows who can challenge you to face your fears of commitment rather than fan them, or who will support you to walk away from someone you find attractive because they’re waving red flags, rather than persuade you to give the person another shot.
Elders
Elders don’t necessarily have to be older. Elders are people who have dated successfully and progressed into a healthy relationship – people who have walked the path that you aspire to walk. They may be stable married couples, trusted friends, wise faith leaders, or professionals.
If you need additional support on your journey to love – for example, if you need help to overcome your fear of commitment or intimacy, to change unhealthy dating patterns, or to let go of an ex-partner – you may want to reach out to coaches, counsellors or psychotherapists who can help you to explore issues such as low self-worth, fear, grief, and childhood adversity.
If you find it hard to reach out for help – perhaps you have a tendency to be compulsively self-reliant or are scared of rejection – share your fear with others. Be open, honest and real. Tell someone that you’d like help but you find it hard to ask. Many people will be able to relate to this. You are not alone. The key is to take the first step. After that, the road ahead will be easier.
Dating can be daunting but like any other challenging experience, it’s easier when we face it with others by our side.
What have you put in place for dating support?
Enjoyed reading ‘4 simple steps to create your dating support system’? Read more by Katherine Baldwin here
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